Cultivating Home - Betty and Sammy

Ugly Betty
"Every character in the universe lives inside of you.
Your job is to let the good ones lead."
~ Debbie Happy Cohen

Home is a place where the eyes who look back at you light up when you walk into a room, and where you feel the same about them.

The most important place to cultivate "home" is within your own psyche, your own mind, your own thoughts, your own vibration.

Every one of us has thoughts that range from really positive to really negative. No one I have ever known has been able to eradicate, or as my friend likes to say, lobotomize, the negative thoughts. What you want is to have the positive ones be in the leadership position.

I recently watched a very seemingly-silly TV series, Ugly Betty. For weeks, Netflix kept promoting it, but the title really turned me off. One day, when I wasn't feeling well and just wanted to watch something brainless, I clicked play. And I kept watching. Show after show.

What was it about the show that was so appealing to me, I wondered?

Family.

You see, Ugly Betty is a short, outspoken, smart, young Mexican woman who wears braces, and very bright tacky clothes. She has a dream to run a magazine one day. So she applies for jobs, and lands one at a fashion magazine. (Similar to Devil Wears Prada with Meryl Streep, but cheesier... with nachos!)

To everyone's surprise, Betty is hired to be the assistant to Daniel, the editor-in-chief.  It's Daniel's dad/boss who hires Betty, so that Daniel will focus on his work instead of sleeping with his secretaries. Betty faces mighty winds in her office, and she is hazed constantly by everyone, including her boss; they all try just about everything short of physical violence to get her to quit.

But here's the thing. Her family always always always is supportive and encouraging of her. Yes, they think she's crazy for taking the job, and for staying with it. But they stand by her. They're not perfect people. But they love her dearly and they show it in their affection.

Betty's character is always looking to do the next right thing, and as a result, she evolves. And so do the people around her. Her family members and co-workers become better people. They all become braver and wiser. As the show develops, Betty becomes more beautiful, in every way.

I remember a very wise woman saying that yes, really bad things can happen in the outside world. But they shouldn't happen in the home. 

Home should be the safe place.

Cultivating home is about creating an atmosphere within yourself (and in your home) where you can feel safe enough to be yourself and brave enough to go for your dreams.

Home is where the party is.

Psychologically, every character in the Ugly Betty show represents an aspect of ourselves, the voices in our own heads. The mean boss, the fair boss, the insecure sister, the gossipy co-worker, the flamboyant nephew, the kind father, etc. The beauty of this TV show is that Betty leads. If she didn't lead, it would be reduced to a slimy afternoon soap opera, where problems and patterns tend to repeat themselves, rather than evolving and growing.

We have the same choice. To be a soap opera. Or an evolving human being.

Cultivating home helps me to evolve.

I've been on the road with Willy and our dog Hiro for almost 2 years now. And the word Home has transformed for me. Home is when we're all in the car together. Home is wherever we are staying, for days or weeks or months. Home is when we are together.

Home is when I'm painting or writing, or when I'm on the phone with a close friend or on a coaching call with a client. I've organized my life so that these activities can be easy to say yes to. For example, I am painting more since I bought a fold-up pencil and brush holder that transforms into a stand which makes these materials so easy to take out and pack up; and I always carry volume-control ear buds. These little things make a huge difference to me.

Home is appreciating the flowers in the garden, the stars in the night sky, and the river flowing nearby. 

Cultivating home makes my inner life richer, softer, kinder, quieter and more loving... and that allows me to bring my best self to my outer home.

In the last few weeks, I've started painting a series of faces called "Cultivating Home".  Click here to view the gallery.

I'll make some of them available on Etsy (https://www.etsy.com/shop/debbiehappycohen). :-)

Here is the first. His name is Sammy. Willy really wanted it, so it's not for sale. Sorry!


I invite you to read the comments below because they expand the article... and also please feel free to write a comment!

Thanks for visiting my HOME here on this blog :-)
 
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7 comments

  • Lizette

    Lizette

    Hi Debbie, I remember watching the Ugly Betty for a little while and I remember watching her change in a positive way. I like how you describe your home. So my home would be anything that makes me feel safe, good, happy, love, appreciation ? For example, my home is when I am with my sister and mom or with my close friends, taking spiritual classes, looking at hills and mountains, Fresh cool breeze on my face, writing my children's book, teaching children, drinking a glass of wine watching the sunset, talking to people and making a positive difference in people's lives, helping other's with their dreams and spiritual path.

    Hi Debbie,

    I remember watching the Ugly Betty for a little while and I remember watching her change in a positive way. I like how you describe your home. So my home would be anything that makes me feel safe, good, happy, love, appreciation ? For example, my home is when I am with my sister and mom or with my close friends, taking spiritual classes, looking at hills and mountains, Fresh cool breeze on my face, writing my children's book, teaching children, drinking a glass of wine watching the sunset, talking to people and making a positive difference in people's lives, helping other's with their dreams and spiritual path.

  • Debbie Happy Cohen

    Debbie Happy Cohen

    Yes, Home is the feeling that you get every time you are doing one of those activities. But also, HOME is cultivated just by FEELING Home. You can invoke the FEELING without any external activity... just a thought will turn the trick. To FEEL HOME is a choice. And when you FEEL it, you create a sensation of basking in the FEELING. And when you do that, the FEELING of HOME increases. And as it increases and becomes a more consistent part of your vibration, you attract more experiences of HOME... in every area of your life that matters to you! It's magic!!! Try it for 72 hours and let me know how it goes :-)

    Yes, Home is the feeling that you get every time you are doing one of those activities. But also, HOME is cultivated just by FEELING Home. You can invoke the FEELING without any external activity... just a thought will turn the trick. To FEEL HOME is a choice. And when you FEEL it, you create a sensation of basking in the FEELING. And when you do that, the FEELING of HOME increases. And as it increases and becomes a more consistent part of your vibration, you attract more experiences of HOME... in every area of your life that matters to you! It's magic!!! Try it for 72 hours and let me know how it goes :-)

  • Cathy Howard

    Cathy Howard

    Thanks Debbie for all these reminders and insights about HOME. This post brought up many memories and feelings for me. We are literally packing our RV right now to get ready to go on the road for the next two weeks. I went in the RV and sat for a few minutes and felt the peace and dare I say, love that I felt for the small space of the RV. I got the message that when we return, I will use the trailer as my writing space. Maybe part of that was around the sense of home that that particular space has for me. It has a certain type of vibration, that is tied to the two and half years that we were on the road. I also love my mountain cabin home and experience an entirely different vibe when I am here rather than in the trailer. More than anything I realize that without the sense of home, safety and feeling; I would probably not be able to function. Thanks for all you share.

    Thanks Debbie for all these reminders and insights about HOME. This post brought up many memories and feelings for me. We are literally packing our RV right now to get ready to go on the road for the next two weeks. I went in the RV and sat for a few minutes and felt the peace and dare I say, love that I felt for the small space of the RV. I got the message that when we return, I will use the trailer as my writing space. Maybe part of that was around the sense of home that that particular space has for me. It has a certain type of vibration, that is tied to the two and half years that we were on the road.

    I also love my mountain cabin home and experience an entirely different vibe when I am here rather than in the trailer. More than anything I realize that without the sense of home, safety and feeling; I would probably not be able to function. Thanks for all you share.

  • Debbie Happy Cohen

    Debbie Happy Cohen

    I love that, Cathy :-) Thank you for sharing... I can feel your love for HOME and that expands my own. It feels like ahhhhhh and yummmmmm. Love you!

    I love that, Cathy :-) Thank you for sharing... I can feel your love for HOME and that expands my own. It feels like ahhhhhh and yummmmmm. Love you!

  • Debbie Happy Cohen

    Debbie Happy Cohen

    I love love love what you said: "... without the sense of home, safety and feeling; I would probably not be able to function."

    I love love love what you said:
    "... without the sense of home, safety and feeling; I would probably not be able to function."

  • Lizette

    Lizette

    Hi Debbie! These past two days I start in the morning with feeling of Home. As soon as I get to work it feels so nonstop with my students. No time to relax, reflect or to feel at home. After I get home I start feeling at Home : )

    Hi Debbie!
    These past two days I start in the morning with feeling of Home. As soon as I get to work it feels so nonstop with my students. No time to relax, reflect or to feel at home. After I get home I start feeling at Home : )

  • Debbie Happy Cohen

    Debbie Happy Cohen

    Hi Lizette, You may want to expand your vision of Home so that you can cultivate it. Just start by practicing the feeling of what you've already acknowledged in the previous comment. "... anything that makes me feel safe, good, happy, love, appreciation ? For example, my home is when I am with my sister and mom or with my close friends, taking spiritual classes, looking at hills and mountains, Fresh cool breeze on my face, writing my children's book, teaching children..." Can you allow yourself to feel HOME in the classroom, even amidst the business of the classroom? The idea is to allow yourself the experience of feeling HOME in more ways than you used to, and by expanding your definition and your experience, you will be Cultivating Home :-)

    Hi Lizette,
    You may want to expand your vision of Home so that you can cultivate it. Just start by practicing the feeling of what you've already acknowledged in the previous comment.
    "... anything that makes me feel safe, good, happy, love, appreciation ? For example, my home is when I am with my sister and mom or with my close friends, taking spiritual classes, looking at hills and mountains, Fresh cool breeze on my face, writing my children's book, teaching children..."

    Can you allow yourself to feel HOME in the classroom, even amidst the business of the classroom? The idea is to allow yourself the experience of feeling HOME in more ways than you used to, and by expanding your definition and your experience, you will be Cultivating Home :-)

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